#examscangodieinahole

I just have to say that I'm in exams right now, and I feel like I'm bashing my head against my textbooks like one of those stupid annoying flies banging against a closed window.

My point being, poise will be back in full (read: daily) swing on Saturday.

Thanks for stickin' 'round.

Kashgar – The Taklamakan Desert and Camel Trek, Part 1

In Kashgar, in the hostel, in our room, we woke up late and the sun was high in the sky, sizzling down on an otherwise chilly day. All the other people in our bunk room had already left, a testament both to the late hour and the nature of the people who travel to Kashgar. In any case, the situation afforded us a nice few hours to collect and compose ourselves before our guide was to meet us. A venture out into the old town got us to the tea house – the perfect place to ease into the rhythm of Kashgar. Sitting on the balcony, we talked about what we thought the day would present us with, and laughed at all the terrible hypotheticals our wild imaginations were concocting. A desert – in China. Who’da thunk it? Not me, that’s for sure. This time last year I would have laughed at (read: stared skeptically/quizzically at) anyone who tried to tell me that there was a massive dessert in the middle of China. But there is. The Taklamakan Desert, to be precise.

I look down at the Kashgar I have come to love, and think about how I never could have conceptualised a place like this to really exist, let alone in China. Just another reminder that I still know absolutely nothing about the world. I sigh. Maybe one day I’ll be one of those wise-but-silent people who can sit quietly and just trust the fact that everybody knows they’re thinking the right thing. Those people are so awesome. I think maybe I’ll approach that plane of awesomeness in about……. two more decades. Or four. Hell, if I can reach that nirvana land of cleverness before I die, then I’ll be more than happy. Life mission accomplished: to be wise.

I digress. We finished two pots of tea and strolled through the crowds back to the hostel, where we sat on the floor pillows around the downstairs courtyard, and munched away happily on (surprise, surprise) bread and apples. Ten minutes later our trek guide arrived ten minutes early, and we were off. Off to where? Off to make new camel friends and then ride in between their humps into a place where humans aren’t supposed to survive.

It’s gonna be magical!

The drive to get from Kashgar to the edge of the desert was about 3 hours. I think. I could be totally wrong because I was just so darn excited the whole dang time that I wasn’t keeping track of the ticking hours. It was a while though, because the Uyghur music CD we were listening to on the trip repeated itself several times. Not complaining! It was authentic! (Read: Added to the experience of driving along some of the most beautiful scenery in the world but I’m not gonna find that shit on iTunes.)

Alright, so we pull into a deserted-looking driveway that seemed to have just materialised out of nowhere. Ticket formalities were adhered to, and we drove further into the grounds of what looked like a post-apocalyptic version of a Xinjiang country club. Totally wack. The place was totally, absolutely wickety-wack. There were overgrown and awkward lawn sections in places that were clearly supposed to be hedges, there were freaky statues/plastic sculpture things of animals with kind of melted faces, everything that was supposed to be metal was rusted. The driveway turned and opened up to face a big lake, which was surprising considering we thought we were going on a desert trek. Turns out this place was a kind of natural oasis before it was developed (and then runover with zombies, right? No, but looks like it-) into a kind of weekend getaway place for rich folks.  

What is left around the lake now, is a big slide sitting about a hundreds meters from the edge of the water, a mini-jetty surrounded with half-sunken boats, and a rusty shed full of strange sand-suitable vehicles. Predictably, the small number of people present on the property were all around that shed, lining up for what appeared to be crazy-fast drives around the edge of the desert. It did look cool, I’m not gonna lie. They were those open-roofed Jeep kinds of thing, with roll cages and safety belts that go in a cross over your chest like a rally driver. But no! It was not to be! This was not why we came to the fame Taklamakan desert! We came for the true/real/genuine experience of riding camels, and we stick to our guns. (Read: we only didn’t do it because they wouldn’t let you drive yourself. Which now that I think about it is probably a very good thing.)

So anyways, we moved upwards (literally, up the hill) and onwards, to meet our trek guide and our new humpback buddies.

Ok. So the first thing you need to know about camels, IS THAT THEY LOOK FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!

ALL THE TIME!!!

To begin with, humps. I DON’T EVEN NEED TO SAY ANY MORE. HUMPS!!! They are surprisingly fluffy, though. Really, I mean, almost plush.

Seriously, I’m ending this first part of the story here, just so that you have time to digest how awesome camels are. I mean, come on. I’ve rode horses a few times before, and I really loved it, but I think maybe I am a camel kid at heart. There is something really majestic AWESOME about these creatures. Apart from when they spit, which is SERIOUSLY GROSS AND DISGUSTING. Also, if they have to pee when they are sitting down, they kind of pee all over their own legs. Lol, that’s some silly animal design right there, creatoroftheuniverse – what were you thinking? Also, they look eternally and simultaneously perplexed, bored, and kind of ugly. I could make jokes associating camels to British people, because they both share shocking lack of dental hygiene, but camels take the bad-teeth thing to a whole new level. I mean, of course it doesn’t help that they have bottle caps stuck through their noses, but there really isn’t an excuse for how ridiculous these animals are in general.

Definitely. Creatoroftheuniverse must have fallen-asleep-at-the-wheel when these guys came off the conveyor belt. Or ran out of that fancy being-making-clay options, and then had too many beers and mooshed the leftovers all together then accidentally sat on it all. Okay metaphor too far, but however these things came to be, you have to agree, that they are a strange species.  

And I'll also just leave you with this photo to prove how hot we are. TWINS!

Kashgar - Xinjiang Food!!!

Okay!! Finally!!! A post in which I talk about Xinjiang food, having actually been to Xinjiang! A post in which I don’t talk about bread! Let’s begin.

So I decided before I went, that I would try the quintessential Uyghur meals regardless of whether they had meat in them or not. If this horrifies you, then maybe read this post. Essentially the decision comes down to a fear-of-missing-out paradigm that pretty much twists my arm into flinging myself into all of life’s possibilities. I.e. I didn’t go bungee jumping in Uganda because I actually thought I would enjoy it, I just knew that I would never forgive myself for missing the opportunity. It turned out to be a seriously incredible experience that nothing can compare to. Anyways, I just knew that I had to try some real Uyghur food while I was in the motherland, or I would never stop dreaming about how good it ‘could have been’.

So, to begin with, I have to remind you that the bread was a big part of the Xinjiang food experience, and so now we officially move on. Beginning with…..

THE PILAF.

HOLY CRAP THIS FOOD IS SO SO SOOOOOO DELICIOUS.

The pilaf is pretty much the national (if Xinjiang was a nation, which I think it should be) dish. They make it in these epic steel/bamboo containers that look like silos with big wooden lids, and it just sits in there cooking for hours and hours. It’s perfectly oily, and is full of dried fruits and spices and herbs, and chunks of lamb that have been cooking for about a hundred hours and are now so tender that they make cherubs weep.

The meal is served to you with a small plate of pickled vegetables which are actually delicious. Normally I hate Chinese pickled vegetables with a passion that grows and grows, but these are kind of spicy and have coriander and fresh ginger and are just really fresh and zesty. They’re actually incredible. Sometimes you also get a pot of natural yoghurt, which you can imagine is just the bomb. The whole thing is served with cups of hot local specialty tea.

     

The next delicious thing is the skewers. I mean, this is the pinnacle of the Xinjiang meat experience. They’re meat eaters. You cannot escape it. I cringe to imagine what I would have eaten had I not forsaken my veggo-orientation for that week. Probably just bread. Their diet consists almost solely of meat and bread, and the best example of this meat culture is the kebab.

Every single restaurant has them, and all along the street you can find the long, thing, specially-made barbeques pouring their charcoaled smoke into the air. It’s actually a really nice smell, it reminds me of winter and the lovely days when I used to eat big lamb roasts as a kid.

The kebabs are dusted in some kind of spice rub mix which is ridiculously tasty. I don’t know what they put in that stuff, but dude, it’s like heaven. I think it could actually be potatoes and pumpkin roasted, and if it had that spice mix on it, it would make me an eternally happy chappy.

The last real kind of food, is the noodle selection. More similar to what I previously knew as Xinjiang food, and what I learned to cook in that class I went to in Beijing. They make fresh noodles and then a tasty sauce to go with it. This is just about the only kind of food in Xinjiang that actually has vegetables in it, and it’s great. The method of preparation isn’t too unique, you know, you just put the things together in a pan and stir-fry it all up. The preparation for the noodles, however, is pretty darn special, and watching it is amazing.

 The only not-so-good thing about the food in Kashgar, and in Xinjiang in general, is the hygiene... I mean, I told you what it was like at the Sunday Bazaar, but it's pretty damn terrible everywhere. I don't want to harp on about it (lest I actually make myself sick thinking about what I ate...) but I think this next photo is a pretty funny way to wrap up the 'food' recollections of the trip.

They look so angry!!! Hahahahhaha. 

The other thing I noticed, though, is that a lot of what we were eating was kind of almost 'special occasion' foor for the locals. They rarely eat the noodle dish, and don't even have the pilaf that often. Usually they will eat a bagel ripped into pieces, and then dunked into a lamb broth. The broth is served with a big chunk of bone in it, and the rest is a clear, without vegetables or other ingredients. The men
(I barely saw women at all in any of the restaurants) would sit there and nibble off the little bits of meat from the bone, and apart from that jsut have a lot of bread. I have no doubt the broth itself was tasty, but surely the nutritional value of such a meal is nil?

The last thing I absolutely MUST mention is the Uyghur yoghurt. Holy mac, this stuff was the greatest yoghurt I have ever had in my life. Easily. Hands down. And it was 2 kuai. Thats less than 30 cents, people. 

We got a small pot each as dessert after a delicious meal one evening in Kashgar after seeing a big table beside us go crazy over it. They serve it to you in the individual little bowls that it is grown in, and give you a big container of sugar and a spoon. Also served with local tea, of course. The yoghurt tastes so amazing by itself, it hardly needs sugar at all, but when you sprinkle that sweetness on top it just comes alive as a lovely dessert! The sour nature of the yoghurt and then the crunch of those oh-so-sweet sugar granules.... oh boy oh boy. It was a culinary highlight for sure.

The last truly great discovery was the cookies. Kashgar has great cookies. Little known fact, but it's true. You buy them by weight, and then munch them at will. Totally Awesome.

Anyways, I guess to sum up, the food was much different than what I expected, but totally fulfilled my expectations of how awesome it would be.I did not realise they would have such amazing yoghurt and cookies, though. I thought that the noodles was the numero uno dish, but the pilaf turned out to really be my favourite. 

Their culture really revolves a lot around lamb (the animal) and lamb (the meat) as well as baking and bread. It was really nice to be in a place that wasn't really China, but had that same kind of food-is-an-ingrained-part-of-the-culture vibe. If you live in China, or are planning a trip to China, and you are at all interested in food and/or cooking, then Kashgar (or at least somewhere in Xinjiang) is a must.